so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
