Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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