The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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