never play flip cup with pint glasses
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
