I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
