omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
