Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
