I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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