she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
