you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
