I didn't shave. On purpose
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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