college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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