1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
