He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
