Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
