did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
