All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
