One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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