am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
