"it" just moved
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
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apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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