Umm I'm too high to move.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
