No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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