i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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