I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
