i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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