I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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