if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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