worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
