I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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