Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
