I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
