the condom got lost in my hair
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
