Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
