i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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