don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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