Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
