Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
