doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Less talking, more tequila
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
