did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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