its not stalking. its research.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Let's get the cat blown out
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
