i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
