So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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