Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
