Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
