We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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