I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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