Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
