Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
