dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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