I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
