So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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