I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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