So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
