Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
