Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
