the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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