we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
