i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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