I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
