Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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