im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
