you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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