come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
