Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
