I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
