and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We had to coat check the pizza.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
