I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
