Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
