I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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