"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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