I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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